Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Divorce
bosco|Aug. 11, 2019
So, you have gotten to a point in your marriage where you are seriously considering divorce. This decision has potentially serious negative consequences for you, your spouse, and those you are close to within your life.
It is a choice that must be thought through deliberately and carefully.
What has gotten you to the point where divorce is on the table?
Some people say that their "feelings are gone." This is a sad and painful place to be. If you are having an affair, then you will not have a clear idea about your feelings towards your spouse.
Feelings were once there or there never would have been a second date, much less a marriage. To get your feelings back, you must be willing to put behavior before feelings.
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Acting as if you have loving feelings may have a very surprising and positive impact on your interactions with your spouse.
If you are not willing to look at your own contributions to the state of your marriage, you will most certainly carry some of your problems into your next relationship. It is imperative for you to think about what you need to change. Why not practice that with your spouse?
What have you done to try to fix the problems at this point?
If you have never been to marriage counseling together, then what would be the downside to trying?
Alternatively, maybe you did try, but it was not your best effort. Perhaps the therapist you chose was not a good fit for one or both of you. Or, as is sometimes the case, one or both of you were not completely honest about everything.
At this crisis point in your marriage, seek out a highly qualified marriage therapist. Now is also not the time to be cheap about it.
This is too important a decision. Chances are you both have been poor problem solvers regarding your marital issues and need professional help.
What Will the Impact Be on Your Children?
If you have children that are still at home, you must think through how this will affect their lives. This will be something that will change them in significant ways regardless of how smooth you believe the divorce process will be for you and your spouse.
Contrary to what you might be telling yourself, unless there is a significant amount of conflicts such as loud and frequent fighting or abuse, your kids just want a home with you both in it.
Research shows that kids do better emotionally with you together, even if you are unhappy, rather than divorced. Having two households is not fun for them and it may actually not be for you.
What Were the Best Times in Your Relationship?
When have you felt the most connection with your spouse? What was happening when you felt the most joy and happiness? Think about what attracted you to your partner.
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What traits did you fall in love with (even if they may be making your crazy now)? Only focus at this moment on the positives.
Are you able to imagine getting back to that place? If you can imagine it, chances are you can get there with the right process.