Importance Of S3x In A Relationship
March. 17, 2020
Regardless of whether you have a high s3x drive or a low one, if you’re wondering how important is s3x in a relationship, the answer should be very!
All relationships are different because every partner is different. So if you started your relationship and we both knew from the beginning that neither of you wanted much or any s3x, that’s perfectly fine and natural. But even that absence of s3x is proof enough that s3x matters in your relationship. You both actively decided that s3x wasn’t a priority because you’re happier that way. But if you are someone who does crave s3x and your relationship is suddenly without it, that’s a different story. It is obviously important to note the type of relationship also – for a couple one of the biggest factors differences from friendship is the physical and s3xual aspect.
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How Important Is S3x In A Relationship: Why It Goes Wrong
There are many different reasons why couples stop having s3x, but there is always a reason. The cause may not necessarily start within the relationship, but it affects it nonetheless. We often write off why we’re not having s3x anymore. He’s just really busy with work. She’s been stressed about her promotion. Their s3x drives have just not been the same since having kids. But the problem with these excuses is that they are just what we see at face value and they don’t get to the root of the issue.
That’s because the roots are usually not very pretty. According to Alex Momtchiloff, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he’s found that nearly all of the couples that come to him have the same five reasons for not having s3x anymore:
-One partner has pulled out of the relationship emotionally
-One partner does not either feel safe or comfortable in s3xual situations
-There is an unresolved issue between them that is causing distance, usually around trust
-Abuse of drugs or alcohol
-Either a partner is using medication that limits their s3x drive or a partners needs medication for s3x but is too uncomfortable or embarrassed to do it
The common theme in all of these issues is that they need to be addressed. A relationship can’t survive if someone in the relationship has checked out. And, if a partner is too embarrassed to talk about having s3xual problems, it speaks to an even deeper question: what is happening in the relationship that one doesn’t believe that they can trust their partner with delicate information like that? What has happened to make them keep issues like this private and feel unable to be vulnerable and honest with their partner?
At the heart of these issues is that, for some reason, the couple stopped communicating and trust broke down. At some point, they no longer shared an intimacy that goes beyond s3xual intimacy. Partners may go to a marriage therapist to address s3xual intimacy issues, but emotional intimacy is often the true problem. Without emotional intimacy, a real relationship can’t work.
How Important Is S3x In A Relationship: Talk It Through
If you’re always saying no to s3x, there’s likely a reason, even if you don’t know what it is yet. Communication is key. Talking it out with your partner can make you realize that you might have more to say than you think. If you think that not talking it out is sparing your partner some hurt feelings, you’d be mistaken.
When we go from having s3x to not having s3x, our partners have to fill in the blanks themselves. And what they fill in is usually not particularly happy or healthy. Societally speaking, we’ve learned to associate someone declining to have s3x with us as them telling us that something is wrong. Maybe it means that they don’t find us attractive anymore or that they don’t like having s3x with us at all. When you say no to s3x, your partner may believe these things are true – even if that’s not the case at all!
This is not to say that you can’t or shouldn’t say no to your partner when you don’t feel like having s3x. In fact, you absolutely should. As Dr. Momtchiloff pointed out, one of the big reasons a couple stops having s3x is because a partner doesn’t feel safe or comfortable having s3x. If you’re forcing yourself to have s3x for your partner’s sake, you’re likely not in the mood. For men, that may mean that you’re unable to get fully erect. For women, that may mean that you’re not lubricated enough. Either way, the s3x that you’d have in that case would be, at best, unsatisfactory, and, at worst, painful. It’s always ok to say no, but speak through the real reasons with your partner rather than leaving them to imagine why, even if that means having a deeper discussion.
And if you’re still wondering how important is s3x in a relationship, here’re 5 facts:
-It releases a bonding hormone between you and your partner,
-A healthy s3x life builds intimacy and trust in your relationship
-S3x boosts your immune system
-The cocktail of feel-good hormones helps you sleep better and lifts your general mood
-It provides an opportunity to demonstrate love, affection and attraction
-The Date Mix
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