I[19m] am in a love triangle with my best friend[19F] since childhood and my girlfriend[18F] of 4 months, I dont know who to choose.
Jan. 13, 2020
This is a throwaway acct because I dont know if any of the others involved browse this part of reddit, Also I am using made up names
Also, I am sorry in advance if this is too long.
I have known my best friend Bailey since I was 5 when we met in kindergarten. We have been friends since day one, or more likely I pined after her since then. Even though I liked her since we were kids, and I loved her since not much later, we Didnt become anything more than friends until freshman year of highschool. Baileys dad died in an accident. That night, in some mix of tears and grief we "got together".
Even though I had loved her for a long time, we both knew that was a mistake, and we never took the next step and became a couple.
After that, Bailey started dating lots of different guys. Even though she was dating guys, Bailey would always call me over. She cheated on every boyfriend she ever had, with me. Even though I know it was wrong, I made the excuse that I knew her 1st, and that Bailey was with me before any of those guys. Or that what she did to hurt those guys was between her and them.
This is how it went on with Bailey, and me, for our entire young lives. I never once had a girlfriend, or even thought of getting one, because Bailey was all I had ever wanted. We went through highschool, and I expected college to go much of the same. I got into UCLA, Bailey didnt get into college, but she said she would come with me to LA "so I dont get into trouble".
On my birthday a little after coming to LA, Bailey and I got into a huge arguement. After sleeping together, I finally asked her if she would be monogamous with me. She basically laughed in my face (We were both a little drunk). I asked her why she has kept me around for so long, she always sleeps with me, and we are always together.
Her explanation was that being with me is comfortable. She compared me to an old well worn couch. She said if we got together she could picture the rest of our lives. Bailey said that the rest of our lives would be happy and predictable. She said that she always goes after so many men because she wants to move on, and find someone who can make her forget about me completely. She said that she never found that, and she always ended up wanting me again.
After that I told bailey that I would move on first. That I would find someone who would love me and that her and I could be friends, but nothing else.
I met Sasha[18F] on Tinder a few days later. We hit it off immediately. We like the same music, and movies. She's gonna go to UCLA next year too. She invited me to meet her parents for Christmas.
Tonight everything came to a head. We had a secret Santa friday night. After exchanging gifts, Sasha said she loved me. For the first time, a woman said that to me romantically. I told her that I lived her too, and it was amazing. After dropping Sasha off home, and coming back to my apartment Bailey totally lost it.
Bailey was crying, like big sobbing tears. She was having a panic attack. She told me that she realized how wrong she had done me all these years. That she loves me, and that she wants to spend her life with me. Bailey said all those guys over the years didnt matter, and it has always been me that she ended up with. She begged me not to leave her. She said that she wants me to give her a chance, and to give us a chance. That she would make me happy. She realized these last months that she couldn't live without me.
She tried to kiss me, but I stopped her. I told her that I didnt know how I felt. I told her that I have loved her my entire life, and that I waited for her to love me back for all of these years. But even though that is the case, I couldnt wait forever. I had to move on, and that I really cared about Sasha, and I didnt want to hurt her. I told her that I needed time to put my feelings in order. She said she would give me that time.
Tonight, I had a Talk with Sasha. I told her everything. About my past with Bailey, and about Baileys freakout and confession. She asked me If i was still in love with Bailey, and if I Loved her(Sasha). I answered yes on both. She said that she loved me, and that she never loved a person so hard so fast, and it scared her. That she wouldn't give me an ultimatum, she said that I needed to figure out what my heart wanted. She kissed me and took an uber home.
TL;DR That leads me to writing this. I love them both. I dont know who I want to be with. I have loved Bailey since before I knew what love was. But she just messed me around for years, until I tried to move on, when she finally realized her feelings. Then there is Sasha, who is sweet and beautiful and smart. Who always has been up front with me, who is wise beyond her years. She is everything I could ask for. Except that she isn't Bailey. What should I do? Who should I choose?