How do I (23M) 'break up' with someone (22F) I'm not officially dating?
Mary Effiong Nyong
Jan. 11, 2020
So I've been seeing this girl pretty casually for the past three months, and I've decided to end it.
It's absolutely amazing when we're together, and I have no doubt that we both really like each other. I'm ending it because she keeps making me think I'm being ghosted.
I'd text her, then I wouldn't get a response for days and it'd make me think that she clearly isn't interested. Which would be perfectly fine. I'd then start moving on emotionally, and then she'd respond with something super thoughtful, affectionate, and enthusiastic. At this point I've already somewhat let go of the relationship and need to rebuild those feelings. We'd see then see each other, have an amazing time, I'd text her, and the cycle would repeat. It feels like she's keeping me at arms length and it's making it hard for me to get emotionally invested in her and take the relationship seriously. She invited me to her place to for drinks with her family after our last date, which to me is a pretty big step and indicates that she wants to get serious. But then, ghosted.
The final straw was when she texted me on Wednesday to invite to a family dinner on Friday. I told her I had to just check my schedule because I may have had family commitments of my own. I ended up being available, and sent her message on Thursday asking if we're confirmed for dinner with her fam. I didn't hear from her until Friday at around 15:00 the time and place for the dinner. I didn't go because again, I thought I wasn't going to get a response so I made other plans. I also think it was quite rude and disrespectful to leave me hanging like that.
Some more context: I'm moving overseas in the next few months. I've planned this move for a long time and I was upfront about with her about it from the beginning. My goal for this relationship was to make it as beautiful as possible for as long as possible. Yes, I'd be sad when it inevitably ended, but I'd deeply cherish the memories we had together and have no regrets.
I've spoken to her about this texting issue and she listened and understood where I was coming from. She said she'd work on it, which she did for about three days until ultimately falling back in to her old behavior. This texting issue is what's killing it for me and I'm at the point where I'd rather end the relationship now than have this split energy.
I think she's afraid of getting too attached to me knowing that I'm leaving, which I understand completely. But I want more out of the relationship than she seems to be able to give.
So knowing the context, how do I break up with her over this? I want to be honest with her, but at the same time I don't want to blame her even though it's ultimately her behavior that's driven me to this...
tl;dr: Girl I'm seeing doesn't text me in a reasonable amount of time and I want to break up with her because of it.
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