I [27F] feel like I'm not my own person anymore after moving in with my boyfriend [28M] of 2 years
Dec. 08, 2019
Together a bit longer than 2 years now. Before moving in together, we usually just spent the nights with each other on weekends. We saw each other often but there were also sometimes up to 3 days where we didn't see each other. Since we live together and see each other all the time, a lot of issues started and I'm not sure how to deal with them anymore. In my eyes they all come down to me not wanting to completly change myself to suit his lifestyle.
Bedtime: Because of different jobs we have to get up and go to bed at different times. I feel that this doesn't have to be an issue. If I want to go to sleep and he doesn't I just put in earplugs and call it a day. He on the other hand thinks I have to go to bed when he wants to because otherwise he'll wake up and doesn't have a good sleep. This resulted in me going to bed way too early and lying awake for hours pretty often now. Or sometimes when I have to get up earlier, it results in a fight because he can't sleep after my alarm went off. Also he wants me to not spend extra time on make up or anything in the morning because again it means his sleep won't be as good when I have to get up half an hour earlier. Cleaning: The age old problem of getting a man to clean ... I feel like I spend 3 times the amount of my week to clean now because I do it mostly all by myself. Not just that, he also doesn't care to try to not make such a mess. Sometimes I just finished cleaning the whole apartment and minutes later he gets on the couch, eats snacks and spreads those all over the couch, making me feel like an idiot. When I try to talk to him about it he always says it's my fault because I should just stop wanting it to be clean and he would clean himself if he would think it's dirty but he doesn't. Outside activities: He often meets up with friends, which I'm completly fine with. He also doesn't consult me before about the date and time (he doesn't have to of course, just important for the following), I'm on the other hand more of an introvert and don't go out much, but if something does come up (and he would be at home when I'm gone) he makes me feel a bit bad with stuff like "such a nice day where we could have done xy ..." or flat out saying he's pissed if I leave now. It's not like he'll ever say I'm not allowed to do stuff, but I feel I have to consult him first long time before. Time for myself: Like I said I'm an introvert and don't go out as much, I'd rather have some time alone to recharge. He doesn't get that at all and won't leave me alone when I just sometimes want to lie on the couch and surf the internet or something. In his eyes I'm doing nothing important, so I should entertain him instead. This is another issue, he always pushes me to do something more important. I don't see anything wrong with surfing the web for half an hour after a long day at work, but he thinks I should do a hobby or read a book, when all I want is just to relax for a bit.
I don't know what to do anymore. He's a loving partner besides those things and always there when I need him but I feel like I'm supposed to just live for him now. When I try to talk about those things with him he'll say it's just because I never lived with someone before and I have to get used to be considered of his needs.
Tl;dr: Moved in with my boyfriend and feel like I have to live under his rules now and don't know how to solve this so we're both happy.
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