At a Crossroads With My (M24) GF's [F24] Body Confidence Problems
Dec. 08, 2019
So me and my gf have been together around 18 months now. We get along amazingly and have a lot of common interests, but in some areas we have quite different interests. In one sense it's become an issue.
She's very athletic. She's very interested in fitness and she does martial arts. I'm more of an indoors guy, I'm not really into sports but she's always been very eager to share things about judo and her other activities and I always liked it. I enjoy seeing her be passionate about things I have no idea about.
The problem has come from her idea of her fitness and how her interests seem to feed into it.
She's in terrific shape. She scarcely ever eats a dessert, she goes for a run every day, and she has several sessions of training a week, which each last a few hours. I'm a tall, relatively in-shape guy, but I'm hardly ripped or super skinny or whatever. I try to eat healthy, and I jog a little and do some light weights. I feel ok with the level I'm at, but yeah I know I'm not in amazing condition.
But she has insecurities too, of course. I thought it was just the same as anyone else has. A pal of hers once told her she had lost weight since they last met, and I spent the evening assuring her, in tears, that she hadn't been "fat" before. Her mother is also very health conscious and I try and tell her not to take what her mum says so seriously.
Recently, she's been talking about getting a PT for some sessions, and things she can cut from her evenings to get more time to go to the gym, or new courses she can do to "get more in shape". I try to be encouraging and tell her she's doing well and looking great, but I'm scared I'm just feeding into some kind of a compulsion to do more exercise and be validated for it.
Last month was my birthday and we were out for dinner. My parents took us to a nice restaurant, and we had a big meal. I had some pasta, some dessert, and 3-4 beers.
Once we got home, we're lying in bed to go to sleep, and she asked "do you normally have so many beers with such a big dinner?". I said no, but we don't go out for dinner much and it was my birthday. I also had been offered a grad job that week, so it was kind of a double celebration.
After some more comments on what I ordered she told me she was worried because I had put on some weight recently. I knew this, it had been on my mind already. I told her I knew and was working on it. I tried not to seem upset, but the fact that she brought that up on that particular night, and made me feel like such a slob after such a great time, I have to admit it hurt me a lot. She's always been a very sensitive person and it just seemed wildly out of character.
It's had a social impact in that she won't come out if people are drinking. She obviously doesn't want to drink beer or wine because of the calories. I tell her nobody cares if she has soft drinks, but she says she feels pressured if others will be having some. So I go out to see friends and she stays in, or goes to the gym while I'm away.
I just feel like she's turning from a loving, confident person with a wide range of interests, including a love of sport, into someone who's just totally obsessed with physical fitness, and I think not in a positive way.
It breaks my heart because she's beautiful, and easily the healthiest person Ive ever known, but still this thing seems to now be affecting her wider life and I don't know if I'm helping or making it worse.
TL;DR - my sporty, already highly athletic girlfriend has completely unrealistic concerns about her body and has taken to a complete lifestyle overhaul, which I feel I've encouraged and now it's straining our relationship.
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