Is asking consent weird?
Sept. 07, 2019
TL;DR I asked consent and she freaked out. Was I in the wrong?
I've (28M) been pursuing this long distance thing with a woman (32F) I met about 6 months ago. I went to visit her a couple weeks ago and stayed in her place. Before then we had only spent a total of about 5 days together, so even though we talk everyday I feel like we're still in the early stages of learning each other's nonverbal and physical cues. We like a lot of physical affection, we have had no problem holding hands, kissing, and cuddling.
One night we started getting intimate, and after about 20-30 minutes I still wasn't feeling really strong cues that she was ready for sex (like taking my pants off, or grabbing my junk), and this would be our first time and I didn't want to be too aggressive so I gently (as sexy as I could) asked, "Do you want to have sex?"
She started pushing me off her "Well now you've made it weird. You don't ASK that, you just do it if both of us are feeling it."
I said "Sorry, I was just making sure --"
"Panties are going back on" she snapped and started reaching for her clothes.
I was shocked and I really felt humiliated. I don't always ask for consent and I get that it can ruin the mood, but I've never seen someone react that way. I felt like I was being open and vulnerable and in turn she shamed me and shot me down.
What do you think? Do you ever actually verbalize consent? Is it really that weird to ask? Should I consider her reaction a red flag? We're seeing each other again soon and we can try again but I can't stop thinking about what happened last time.
EDIT: NOT a troll post - this seriously happened and was very bizarre and shocking to me. So much that I had to pose the question to a larger audience.
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