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Should I [33M] break off my engagement to my fiancee [33F] because of lies she told me years ago?
nina is a bitch|Aug. 08, 2019
I am engaged to my beautiful fiancee Rachel who is my school sweetheart. We haven't set a date but we hope to get married next year, and she wants the wedding to be big. She is consultant cardiologist doctor and I am a boxing coach.
We were not always close. I was friends with a girl called Beth who I knew since we were toddlers. I had a huge crush on her but was happy to stay friends, but Rachel made her life a living hell throughout school. I hated her during this time and always protected Beth against her and her friends. Rachel already had a crush on me at the time and asked me out a few times, but I didn't like her and was not interested.
Beth was very insecure due to being bullied by Rachel, and because of how Rachel felt about me it destroyed our friendship. This was when we were 16 and had finished Year 11, but we stayed on at school to do A Levels
Rachel and I were in the same maths class for A Levels, and while I didn't like her, she was top of the class so the teacher got her to help other people out including me. During these classes I got to know Rachel, and it seemed like she'd changed a lot from how she was in the early years. She didn't pick on anyone and was really nice. I eventually agreed to go out with her, and we connected really quickly and I fell for her pretty soon, and we've been together ever since.
Last week I went for a drink with an old friend of mine from school called Adam. He works in dubai and I haven't seen him since we left. When I found out he was back for a few weeks I messaged him and we went for a beer. He was surprised to see me engaged to Rachel given the history with me her and Beth, but I tried to say that she changed and wasn't that person when I said yes. Adam said that Rachel and her girl friends continued to target Beth and were actually even worse during the A Level years. Apparently it was a sort of open secret that Rachel convinced a lot of people to keep quiet from me.
I wasn't willing to take his words at face value, and I asked Rachel about it when I got home. She outright stated that she continued to bully Beth when we were together, but asked why it mattered. I asked if it bothered her at all and she said no. I pointed out that she lied to me in order to make me go out with her, but she said that we've been together for 15 years and this shouldn't bother me now since it brought us together.
After spending a few days thinking, I told Rachel that I want to put the engagement and wedding planning on hold, not because I want to break up with her but because we need to spend time working through what I just found out and possibly even make amends with Beth. This made Rachel cry and she demanded to know why Beth is affecting our engagement.
I'm not sure I've done the right thing. I love Rachel but what happened was years ago when we were kids. It's not like she cheated on me or anything like that. Should I let bygones be bygones or is it best to hold the engagement off for the moment?
TL;DR: My Fiancee lied to me about stopping being a bully, and I want to hold off the engagement till we've worked this through.
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