My bf says he won’t live with me until we’ve been together at least 3 years, and won’t even consider marriage without being with me for for at least ......
Aug. 12, 2019
Sorry for the formatting, I’m on mobile!
He’s 26, I’m 24F
I’ll start off by saying I’m in no rush, I haven’t asked to move in together or get married, we’re still in the first year of our relationship. We just happened to be having a conversation about some construction stuff, and I can’t remember the details but he said something along the lines of “...yeah that’ll be when we live together in a few years”. I asked how many years, and he said minimum 3. I just laughed and said “damn that’s usually how long people wait to get married” and then he said “well for that it’ll be at least 7”. I was just taken aback because I had no idea he had set minimums for stuff like that, I figure it’d be more like we’d do it when it feels right within a reasonable time.
I know where this is coming from though, he had an ex girlfriend who he moved in with after only knowing her for 4 months, and it wasn’t by choice, but because she needed a place to live and he lived alone so it was convenient. They stayed together for about 2 years, but shit was going south towards the end and she had no place to go. He felt bad about making her leave so he was stuck with her living there for awhile. He finally kicked her out but she didn’t go quietly.
It just bothers me because I feel like he’s projecting his past experiences with his ex onto me, and I just want him to isolate me from her because it’s a completely different relationship and I deserve a clean slate where we can move forward at a pace that doesn’t have minimum time limits for milestones in our relationship. I want things to be natural and fluid, is that too much to ask? Like I said, I’m in no rush, I just hate that he’ll never ask me to move in with him when it feels right and when we’re at a place to do so, but that I shouldn’t even expect it for 3 years let alone not even expect to be engaged for another 7. I’ve already voiced my feelings about this and told him that our relationship shouldn’t have rules like that just because things went badly with the ex.
Am I overreacting? Or is this actually unfair to me?
TL;DR: boyfriend casually mentioned that he won’t consider moving in with me until we’ve been together a minimum of 3 years, and won’t get married until we’ve been together at least 7. Although I’m in no rush, I don’t like that there are set minimums for the milestones in our relationship. Am I overreacting?
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