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100+ Alternative Ways to Say "I Don't Care!"

Bacchus

Jun. 28, 2020

Hey, you there! Yes, you. Come on, don’t act like you don’t care. “I don’t care!” Say what now? Well, I don’t care about you either! But, I’m quite certain that I can deliver those words better than you! This article, after all, is littered with various expressions and lines that serve as adequate alternatives to the old adage “I don’t care.” It seems that I have piqued your interest. Not so indifferent now, huh? Well, suit yourself!
What to Say Instead of “I Don’t Care!” Why am I so not bothered? Well, bless your heart! I can’t hear you. Keep talking. Were you saying something just now? I’m sorry that you feel that way. What a load of crap! It’s not my cup of tea, sorry. Not worth my time! I’d like to tell you that I care, but I don’t want to lie. I do what I want. Good luck with that! Sorry, I’m not interested. I’m not going to bother to check. I want you to know that I hear what you’re saying. It’s just that I don’t really care. Who cares? I just wouldn’t be the same person if I cared about what you’re saying. Sorry, I don’t love you anymore. Sorry, it’s not you. It’s me. I am thoroughly unmoved by your plight. There was a time when I would’ve held a strong interest in the words you speak. I think of that time fondly. Pardon me for giving you the impression that I give a sh*t. I don’t. You’re not the boss of me! I’ll pay you a fortune just to shut up. Not my business! Sorry, but your problems mean very little to me. Bah hambug! What is it about me that makes it look like a give a crap? I’m sorry but you must have mistaken me for someone who cares. There are two people in this conversation who care about your problem and one just lost interest.
Funny and Witty Ways to Say “I Don’t Care!” If I cared any less than this, I’d be dead. Do you see any sparkle of concern in these eyes of mine? I don’t give a flying fudge monkey! Look, I made a list of people who care. It’s blank. F*ckity bye-bye! Sorry, I have to feed my dinosaur. Sorry, I gotta go use the bathroom or something. Watch me not give a sh*t! Tell that to my butt, because it’s the only thing that gives a crap. Look, my care cup is empty! I don’t give a continental farthing. Here’s a coin, call someone who cares. Behold, the field in which I grow my f*cks! It’s barren. Here’s the error in your mathematical equation: “You added a f*ck that I did not give.” Sorry, I’m going to polish my door knob. Don’t let me slow you down in your search for someone who actually gives a sh*t. Odd, my care-o-factor meter isn’t budging from zero. Go pound sand. I’m sure it’ll care more than me. I don’t give two squirts of piss! Not my circus, not my monkeys. Time to play another round of the game I like to call: “Not my house!” Care, I do not, young Padawan. Even the care bears don’t care! Does my face look like a face that cares? Keep talking! I need to collect more material for my comedy routine. I want you to know that someone cares. Not me, but someone. Sounds like effort. Count me out. Cool story, bro! My dog is having kittens, I gotta go! Sorry but I’m late for my solitaire tournament. Frankly, I don’t give a flying frog with four fuzzy feet. Somewhere out there, there’s an alien that would be interested with your concern. Unfortunately, I am but a lowly human and not worthy of providing such attention. I don’t give a sh*t. I take them. I could eat all the laxatives in the world, but I would still not give a single sh*t. Hey, I gotta go water my dog. I give zero FPS (f*cks per second).
Clever and Sarcastic Ways to Say “I Don’t Care!” That’s nice, dear. That’s cool. That sounds like your problem. Interesting parable, brethren. Please recite it again. Bless your delusional heart! I do care, but not as much as I don’t! And I care because? Statistically speaking, there is probably at least one person in this vast world that cares. However, that person is not me. Hold on, I’m fishing for a f*ck to give. The amount of care I possess is equal to the amount of brain cells you have. Do you hear that nice sound? Yup, it’s the sound of “f*ck off!” Your concern failed to create within me a sense of obligation. Does the moon care that the Sun won’t shine upon it? No one cares as much as I don’t! Pardon me for interrupting, but this conversation is starting to exceed my interest in it. I think I heard my parents calling for me. I gotta go! There’s zero Celsius. Below that is zero Fahrenheit. Below that is absolute zero. Below that is how much I care. No instrument that exists can measure my indifference. Wanna see give give a f*ck? There! Oh, you wanna see me do it again? I’ll lend you my phone so you can try to ring someone who actually gives a f*ck! How about I got a hundred problems and yours isn’t one of them! After digging through my pockets, I discovered that I can’t seem to find my f*cks. That’s a very touching story. It really is...not my problem. Wait a second, I think I’m actually going to give a f*ck. Oh, never mind. It’s just a fart. Am I bothered? Who paid for this floor? Not me. Holy cow! How long have you been standing there? I didn’t even notice you! I’m filing your concern under “N” for “Not Important!” Seriously? Wow, I had no idea! Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get on with my life. Not my chair, not my problem. Here’s a mule. Go plow through your barren land! You know who would really be interested in this? I don’t know, but it’s definitely not me. Oh, that’s cool. If I had wheels, I would be a wagon. I give a f*ck so minuscule and remote, that it's existence is still disputed by physicists There’s no language on Earth that has word for how little I care.
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