Fiancé (34M) is angry I (36F) want to postpone having a baby until we’re actually married.
Jan. 11, 2020
I’m questioning if I jumped the gun on accepting a proposal
Before we start I’m on mobile .. excuse formatting blah blah blah
Ok! I [36 F] dated my now fiancé [34 M] for 2 years off and on. At the beginning of this year I told him my goals for the next couple years (relationship=engagement=marriage=pregnancy) he initially said he didn’t feel he was ready. I started dating another guy and broke it off with him. He continued to essentially chase me for the bulk of 2019. In october I broke up with the other guy and fiancé came back into the picture. He stated he was now ready and proposed this week. With us being in our mid 30’s and short on cash I suggested an elopement and reception at our first anniversary. He agreed. He then stated he was ready for family planning. I’m thinking great! We’ve been throwing caution to the wind for the last 2 months.
I mentioned this week when he would like to elope and he is now saying he wants to wait a year. Make sure we’re ready. Then get married. I was disappointed but agreeable. After thinking more about it I felt we should stop family planning. I don’t judge anyone who has had a child out of wedlock but that is not something I want to do. I told him I was agreeable to wait on the wedding but that moving forward we needed to use protection to prevent pregnancy.
He essentially blew up at me! He said I was now flip flopping on our plans and that I ruined his day. I stated I didn’t want to be a “baby mama” and wanted to have our child once we had firmer plans to actually marry. He then accused me of “questioning his integrity” and claims my statement is proof I don’t trust him to take care of our (future) kids. For me it’s not that .. I just wanted to have that experience in the confines of our marriage ... and if he needs a year to make sure he’s ready then I don’t want to bring a child into the “uncertainty” of it.
The way he reacted has caused an immediate gut reaction of distrust for me. If you truly have plans to marry me then what’s the big deal in waiting 6 months? The reason I feel this way is in the past when we discussed moving our relationship forward he said to me.”We can get engaged but I’m not sure if I want to get married” & “why does the government need to be in our business” when I accepted his proposal he said he had a complete change of heart and now wants to marry.
So now I feel like my guard is up...am I justified? Or is this weird?
TLDR: fiancé had a drastic reaction to postponing trying for a baby and now I am questioning our entire engagement.
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