Science Explains Why You Always Fall For The Same Type Of People
Nov. 30, 2019
When something happens once, it can be said to be a mistake. But when it occurs repeatedly and in a certain recognizable pattern, it obviously shows that there is an underlying factor responsible for the occurrence and it’s not just a fluke or a random happening.
So when you find yourself falling for guys or women with the similarities, especially behavioral similarities, obviously there has to be an explanation for it; and scientists have gotten to the root of it.
[Credit - Pulse TV]
Apart from having preferences based on looks, outward appearances and some other traits such as good humour and good fashion taste, one more explanation for why you love the same kind of people is your attachment style, or how you act in relationships.
By the way, your attachment style is determined by your experience within your family while growing up. "Attachment styles can be broken down into three main groups: secure, anxious, and avoidant," says Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. She tells Bustle that "secure people are comfortable in relationships but are also comfortable on their own. Anxious people tend to be more of the 'clingy' type. Avoidant people tend to avoid emotional closeness and vulnerability."
[Credit - The Undefeated]
So people simply fall in love with individuals who feed into their attachment style. f you're anxious, for example, you might go for folks who are never truly available because it fuels that anxiety, and thus feels "right" to you, even if it isn't what you truly want.
Another reason why you keep loving and dating the same kind of people can be traced to what psychotherapists call 'the repetition syndrome. Arlene B. Englander, LCSW, MBA, a licensed psychotherapist, tells Bustle. "The current love interest may share qualities that are similar to one or both of our parents and pre-consciously we are trying, as an adult, to finally resolve a situation which, as a [child], we felt too vulnerable and helpless to control."
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